Greetings fellow bloggers and followers of us that blog! (so they didn't allow me to go to school, excuuuuse my grammar!) My name is Charmin and I'm a wonder dog (thus the name of this blog in case you haven't noticed) and by the way, that's the name my vet gave me after I survived a near-death experience, but more about that later. Since my master seems obsessed with taking pictures of me today I suggested that she document my life online for all my friends to see. As she is typing this I am currently wedged under her chair, rather oblivious to the fact that I am within a fraction of an inch of getting horribly smooshed if she were to roll sideways, unaware of my presence. Anyways let's get on with the shew (said with a Lawrence Welk accent of course!)
Let me share how my day went today:
After being rudely awakened after a long and stormy night (hey that sounds like one of those scary movies, doesn't it?), being forced outside in the cold, wet air, then force-fed those nasty tasting vitamins and pills that my owners tell me keep me alive, but what do THEY know anyway??? I was finally able to perform my favorite pastime... keeping the blanket warm on the floor, otherwise known as SLEEPING!
At some point I got up, stumbled into the laundry room to eat and drink and drink and drink (they think I might be diabetic, but it's probaby from that heart medicine they force me to eat)... well the drinking made me have to pee really, REALLY bad, but since my back legs don't work so well anymore I ended up in a puddle on the kitchen floor, flayling my legs like a beached whale (yeah, like YOU'VE ever seen one either?) and covered in my own yellow liquid (trying to keep this G-rated). I did finally make it out of the kitchen and back to my blanket where I remained for the rest of the afternoon until, what's that I hear? a garage door opening up???? all three of my fellow canine housemates are barking and running to the back door, but darn it, my back legs just won't work! This is so frustrating and rather embarassing since I'm the matriarch of this family after all. Well at least I still have my voice, so "arf, arf, aaaarrrrrrf!" Oh boy, here she comes! YIPPEE... oh wait, why isn't she coming in here first? Why does she let all of THEM go outside FIRST??? Doesn't she know that I have been protecting this house ALL day? Here she comes to scoop me up and help me get outside. FINALLY, freedom!!! Why does she seem so angry? Ohhhhh, she's throwing paper towels on the floor and scruntching up her nose. Now she's getting out the swiffer and mopping the floor. Oh well, that's what they get for leaving me inside all day!
After coming back in the house, eating and drinking a bit more I have to go back outside. Now is when the real adventure begins! Tee hee hee, little does she know what I'm up to! As I make my way around the perimeter of our very large back yard to make sure everything's where it should be, I discover that someone has moved the big plastic thing they say is for a pond and they've wedged it up against the fence with some old tires. Hey, that wasn't there yesterday, but trust me, I can get through anything! Well guess what folks??? I'm not as skinny as I thought and, well, you guessed it, I got stuck. Problem was it was muddy and I couldn't get a grip and I tried and tried and my legs just weren't working! What a predicament I'm in with no way out... HELP ME I've fallen and I can't get up!!!
Phase two: Master looks out the back door and sees me and rescues me!!! She moved the tires and plastic thingy and helped me get up, all the while uttering something about how silly I looked and how covered in mud I was. What does she expect, I'm a DOG!!! So I make my way around the other side of the yard and up to the deck only to be greeted with my master holding a blanket ready to scoop me up and take me inside to the....... shower!!!!! Eeegads! Not my favorite thing to do, but here's a picture of what I looked like:
Now don't I play helpless companion very well? Yeah, I just layed there for 30 minutes or so while she sprayed and sprayed, kept unclogging the drain, sprayed some more sudsy stuff that made my eyes burns, rinsed, then covered me with a towel and finally got me out of that porcelain torture chamber. Well I'll show her, I thought.... I'll go hide behind the washing machine... oh shoot, once again I'm not skinny enough to get through and can't back up, soooooo:
With that I'll stop so my master can do some design work to make this blog dog-worthy. More later gator!